I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
