It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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