fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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