im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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