We're facebook friends in real life
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
