bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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