There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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