He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
