here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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