too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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