dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
