haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
