My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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