So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
