Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize