I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
one two three fourrrrnication!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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