I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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