ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
