drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
