idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
