ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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