a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
