dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
