4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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