And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
