i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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