It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
