Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
