She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
