I wanna passion pit in your ass
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
