he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
