barbara walters just said penis...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
