non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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