I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
