Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
