This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
