we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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