yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Do you still have your period?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
