cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize