Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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