Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Please don't give away my fajitas
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