Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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