No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
