whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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