apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
