I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
