I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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