so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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