She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
