Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
