Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my poor anus
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
