i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
