The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
