dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
