Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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