holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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