guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
