the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
