and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
