like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
