Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
