Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
