So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
