Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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