Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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