everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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