It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize