So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
