Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
