R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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