You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
