i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
